1st Birthday

October 14, 2011

Today is my daughter's first birthday.  I'm so proud of how she's developing and her happy disposition.  This little girl doesn't cry even when she's very sick.  She started walking about a month ago and it's so fun to watch her interact with her brothers.  So today, I am reminiscent of how my life was just a year ago, as well as 4 years ago before I became a mother at all.  A daughter does put a spin on parenthood after 2 boys.  What an amazing change in a woman's life.  With all the confusion of how my life should proceed on a mental level, there is a part of my life that is overwhelmed with gratitude of how blessed I am to have 3 healthy amazing kids with a husband to share it with.  From my life as a parent, I could not be more grateful that at this point, my kids are growing and enjoying the lives they have with no major misfortune.  So many other parents are dealing with sick children, a recent death from cancer or disabilities or the news that there may be little chance to add a child to their existing family due to infertility.

Yesterday's blog touched on something I'm reading today in Seth Godin's book "LinchPin" about schooling.  As I described yesterday that school gives great structure to a certain point in your life, it really doesn't go beyond that or give you guidance to how to continue to succeed in life.  I couldn't agree more with the current chapter I'm reading from Seth Godin "Fear of School."  Nothing prepares us for a life beyond school other than interacting with other successful, grounded people who enjoy what they are doing.  So I am looking to this perspective, which has been a general view of mine throughout life anyway.  You always hear, "you are who you hang out with" and that has always been enforced in me since I was little and my mom said that if I was friends with a girl who had a reputation of 'sleeping around' then I would be assumed to be the same way.  This is true on a general level, but of course, there are always exceptions to some degree.

A mini goal I set out to do is to start exercising so that I can start feeling better both mentally & physically.  If I'm able to run tonight at home on the treadmill, it will be day 4 of a 10 minute run.  I always feel better after exerting some physical activity.  I know for so many, this is common sense.  However, for others of us, we say we're so busy that we don't make time to exercise and don't remember the exilarating feeling after I'm done.  I only set a small goal of 10 minutes because with 3 kids it's hard enough as it is to get time away from their care while I'm home.  If I set a 10 minute goal, then it's easier to stick to and I will still get something out of it.

I think my continued reading of visionary books, an unimaginable better world and awareness of how we can influence all of it will help me to create a positive future that I want my kids to be a part of.  I've always had a hard time giving credit where credit is due.  I forget the title of movies, names of famous people, inventors of products but I appreciate when I've found a new gadget or idea that helps me improve the life that I have.  I am going to make a conscious effort to start recognizing these people, products and names of anything that has helps create a future that I cannot even imagine in the present time.  I think that people do deserve recognition & I certainly would want recognition for my hard work, but I've always been more concerned with learning the concept & moving on, then actually remembering who thought of the concept.  I guess at the end of the day, there is value in both.

Well, looking forward to spending some time with my beautiful daughter, her 2 brothers, and my loving husband tonight.  Until next time, hope we all continue to improve together.

Listen to Others

KIDS

Today I took a break from the finance lessons and just listened to people.  I realize when I was a kid I listened to people a lot.  Mostly because my mom taught me that children were to 'speak when spoken to'.  It created a lot of listening as a child of 8 kids because there was so much noise and chaos that no one directly spoke to me much.  It wasn't as bad as it comes out.   From what I remember I enjoyed my childhood but I do remember listening A LOT.

My 2nd son got sick this morning and was vomiting. I was fortunate to have family watch him so I didn't have to take the day off work.  I would rather be home with my son, but of course timing isn't great and there is some work that I needed to be involved in.  At work, most people are complaining about their job and just generally unhappy & stressed since there are some deadlines approaching that require more work than there is time left to complete.  I don't feel a direct connection to this stress because I don't really feel a personal connection to the work.  I think the type of position I'm in leads to why I feel disconnected but I also know that my larger life goals are much deeper than my current job.  I want to find my inner voice that directs me into what I should be doing in life. 

I love my kids more than anything, and I really enjoy being around them.  Unfortunately, I don't get to take full advantage of just sitting around & playing with them or sharing in their moment because there's always 'adult' things that need to be done.  If there aren't specific adult responsibilities, then I'm preparing meals for my kids or getting mentally ready for naps, etc.  There are times I feel like I don't stop what I'm doing to really enjoy this moment in life where I have 3 beautiful, amazing kids all under 5 years old.  It's such a fun chaos.  Friends make comments at times that they don't know how I do it or why I've put myself in this situation.  Some friends work with children in their career and don't understand how I have the patience I have with my kids. 

I am very clear that I love the situation I'm in with 3 kids and the ages they are.  I'm very blessed that I really love interaction with children.  My financial & career situation is not as solid as I would like, but having these kids is the only reason why finances and career are even in question and not in a way that most people would assume.  Without kids, I would spend all my time working to maintain finances and progressing in my career.  It's a no-brainer and I wouldn't be having financial struggles or sitting around wondering what my purpose is in life.  The struggle ONLY comes in because I have kids and want as much time with them with at little time as possible focused on financial or career-oriented tasks.  They are not a financial burden in my eyes....no, I don't feel like they are a burden at all (unless I'm trying to get out the door in under 10 min...that's a small burden...LOL). 

I just lose sight of finances because I'd rather be trying to help my kids with potty-training or getting through a meal or learning to share.  I really love being around kids and showing them how to interact better.  I can't think of anything more fun.  All my siblings are great with kids for the most part.  When my side of the family gets together, we've been known to talk & interact with kids more than adults.  Some could argue this is a social interaction problem amongst my siblings, but I argue it's because we all really enjoy the ease of talking to kids and there's no expectations with kids.  Most kids talk to each other bluntly without any fake walls up or courteous gestures.  Kids bluntly ask each other their names and ask if they want to play together.  Most kids are accepting of each other (in younger years) because they just want company & someone else to play with.  Who doesn't?

I admit that if my daughter (the youngest) was not as easy-going and happy as she is that I would be truly insane.  However, because she's literally the best baby I've ever been around (not that I don't adore my 2 sons), she makes 3 kids seem like any parent could handle them in any situation because she rarely gets upset.  These amazing children are the only reason I feel like I have financial stress at all. Because I want to figure out how I can continue to put all my attention towards them while continuing to grow and create a prosperous future for them.  Kids easily take away any selfishness I've shown in the past.  I would argue that I was pretty low-maintenance before kids but now after having kids, my maintenance level doesn't exist or there is a very faint line.  This however is a very careful balance as well because when you forget about pampering yourself at all, then you lose confidence and lose your identity.  I did feel lost somewhat when I stayed home with the kids because I didn't feel like I had 'me' time to get dressed or feel like I wasn't in constant disarray/  I don't know the right balance between family and self-interests but I'm determined to find out.

Today I am just soaking in information about where my life should be headed.  I don't have the answer.  I wonder if I enjoy my kids so much than why do I work at all or why I don't feel completely fulfilled if I stay home with them.  I never thought trying to make an income at home while I raised my kids was very realistic.  I was home for a couple times in the last couple years for extended periods of time. The choices to be home weren't mine so it was a struggle to feel like I was in the right place.  I was let go of one job and the other job was temporary so even after I stopped working, I felt like I should still be working because I had a 'hiccup' in my career.  In the last couple months is the first time I feel like I ever had a real option of making a career for myself without being in the formal workforce that required me going to an office from 9-5 pm ( or extended beyond that). 

My husband is not in the situation at this point to take on the full burden of one income but I'm also not the type of person that really wants that to happen.  I do enjoy making money & feeling like I'm contributing to our family wealth.  However, I see the benefits of being home with my kids and giving them the type of structure that only a parent can.  I also see the benefits of my boys being in daycare and how much they are learning in a school setting, even at 2 & 4 yrs old.  It's amazing the options and various decisions that are thrown a parent's way once kids enter the picture.  Once I have to determine the best future for my children, all past decisions seem so trivial.  Amazing the power of love & responsibility that comes with guiding another human being through life.   Well, I'm going to continue to listen to the world around me, through speakers, motivational, spiritual, financial....they are all sending me the same messages, but I'm not quite sure what the lesson is yet...so I better keep listening for a while instead of trying to talk over them.