KIDS
Today I took a break from the finance lessons and just listened to people. I realize when I was a kid I listened to people a lot. Mostly because my mom taught me that children were to 'speak when spoken to'. It created a lot of listening as a child of 8 kids because there was so much noise and chaos that no one directly spoke to me much. It wasn't as bad as it comes out. From what I remember I enjoyed my childhood but I do remember listening A LOT.
My 2nd son got sick this morning and was vomiting. I was fortunate to have family watch him so I didn't have to take the day off work. I would rather be home with my son, but of course timing isn't great and there is some work that I needed to be involved in. At work, most people are complaining about their job and just generally unhappy & stressed since there are some deadlines approaching that require more work than there is time left to complete. I don't feel a direct connection to this stress because I don't really feel a personal connection to the work. I think the type of position I'm in leads to why I feel disconnected but I also know that my larger life goals are much deeper than my current job. I want to find my inner voice that directs me into what I should be doing in life.
I love my kids more than anything, and I really enjoy being around them. Unfortunately, I don't get to take full advantage of just sitting around & playing with them or sharing in their moment because there's always 'adult' things that need to be done. If there aren't specific adult responsibilities, then I'm preparing meals for my kids or getting mentally ready for naps, etc. There are times I feel like I don't stop what I'm doing to really enjoy this moment in life where I have 3 beautiful, amazing kids all under 5 years old. It's such a fun chaos. Friends make comments at times that they don't know how I do it or why I've put myself in this situation. Some friends work with children in their career and don't understand how I have the patience I have with my kids.
I am very clear that I love the situation I'm in with 3 kids and the ages they are. I'm very blessed that I really love interaction with children. My financial & career situation is not as solid as I would like, but having these kids is the only reason why finances and career are even in question and not in a way that most people would assume. Without kids, I would spend all my time working to maintain finances and progressing in my career. It's a no-brainer and I wouldn't be having financial struggles or sitting around wondering what my purpose is in life. The struggle ONLY comes in because I have kids and want as much time with them with at little time as possible focused on financial or career-oriented tasks. They are not a financial burden in my eyes....no, I don't feel like they are a burden at all (unless I'm trying to get out the door in under 10 min...that's a small burden...LOL).
I just lose sight of finances because I'd rather be trying to help my kids with potty-training or getting through a meal or learning to share. I really love being around kids and showing them how to interact better. I can't think of anything more fun. All my siblings are great with kids for the most part. When my side of the family gets together, we've been known to talk & interact with kids more than adults. Some could argue this is a social interaction problem amongst my siblings, but I argue it's because we all really enjoy the ease of talking to kids and there's no expectations with kids. Most kids talk to each other bluntly without any fake walls up or courteous gestures. Kids bluntly ask each other their names and ask if they want to play together. Most kids are accepting of each other (in younger years) because they just want company & someone else to play with. Who doesn't?
I admit that if my daughter (the youngest) was not as easy-going and happy as she is that I would be truly insane. However, because she's literally the best baby I've ever been around (not that I don't adore my 2 sons), she makes 3 kids seem like any parent could handle them in any situation because she rarely gets upset. These amazing children are the only reason I feel like I have financial stress at all. Because I want to figure out how I can continue to put all my attention towards them while continuing to grow and create a prosperous future for them. Kids easily take away any selfishness I've shown in the past. I would argue that I was pretty low-maintenance before kids but now after having kids, my maintenance level doesn't exist or there is a very faint line. This however is a very careful balance as well because when you forget about pampering yourself at all, then you lose confidence and lose your identity. I did feel lost somewhat when I stayed home with the kids because I didn't feel like I had 'me' time to get dressed or feel like I wasn't in constant disarray/ I don't know the right balance between family and self-interests but I'm determined to find out.
Today I am just soaking in information about where my life should be headed. I don't have the answer. I wonder if I enjoy my kids so much than why do I work at all or why I don't feel completely fulfilled if I stay home with them. I never thought trying to make an income at home while I raised my kids was very realistic. I was home for a couple times in the last couple years for extended periods of time. The choices to be home weren't mine so it was a struggle to feel like I was in the right place. I was let go of one job and the other job was temporary so even after I stopped working, I felt like I should still be working because I had a 'hiccup' in my career. In the last couple months is the first time I feel like I ever had a real option of making a career for myself without being in the formal workforce that required me going to an office from 9-5 pm ( or extended beyond that).
My husband is not in the situation at this point to take on the full burden of one income but I'm also not the type of person that really wants that to happen. I do enjoy making money & feeling like I'm contributing to our family wealth. However, I see the benefits of being home with my kids and giving them the type of structure that only a parent can. I also see the benefits of my boys being in daycare and how much they are learning in a school setting, even at 2 & 4 yrs old. It's amazing the options and various decisions that are thrown a parent's way once kids enter the picture. Once I have to determine the best future for my children, all past decisions seem so trivial. Amazing the power of love & responsibility that comes with guiding another human being through life. Well, I'm going to continue to listen to the world around me, through speakers, motivational, spiritual, financial....they are all sending me the same messages, but I'm not quite sure what the lesson is yet...so I better keep listening for a while instead of trying to talk over them.
No comments:
Post a Comment